Thursday, March 29, 2007
Little Bear breaks down
Tonight was our second night out in the 3 months the girls have been here. When we returned Little Bear (6 yr old) was sobbing that she missed her Mommy. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until I got tears in my eyes. I had to lay in bed with her and rub her back until she sobbed herself to sleep. It's going to be a long year and a half.
Monday, March 25, 2007
My daugther called today, she was upset. Her tour in Iraq has been extended from one year to 1.5 years. She wonders out loud when to tell her soldiers. I tell her she might as well tell them now because it won't be any better later. She says she can't. The command does not want her to say anything until they get orders. I agree, it's never really official until you get orders.
Today is the first day her 6 year old tells me she misses her mommy and she is sad. I don't know how to tell her she will be gone longer. But then I think I don't really have to tell her because she does not understand time yet. One year or 6 months will feel like a lifetime to her.
I love my daugther and my grandkids but right now we feel like we are in jail. We were empty nesters for 8 years before they came to live with us. We did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and now everything take coordination. Often we just can't manage it. We knew no teenagers that could babysit, we were just hopeless. It's a little better now but we still feel like we are in jail. The thought of doing this for 1.5 years was almost more than we could bare. Then we think about our daugther living in that hell and our problems seem so insignifican't.
Today is the first day her 6 year old tells me she misses her mommy and she is sad. I don't know how to tell her she will be gone longer. But then I think I don't really have to tell her because she does not understand time yet. One year or 6 months will feel like a lifetime to her.
I love my daugther and my grandkids but right now we feel like we are in jail. We were empty nesters for 8 years before they came to live with us. We did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and now everything take coordination. Often we just can't manage it. We knew no teenagers that could babysit, we were just hopeless. It's a little better now but we still feel like we are in jail. The thought of doing this for 1.5 years was almost more than we could bare. Then we think about our daugther living in that hell and our problems seem so insignifican't.
My daugther's argue
My girls are exactly 16 months apart. When they were younger they argued about who was favorite and who got what. We tried hard to get two of everything but as they got older it just wasn't possible because they wanted different things and the 16 months difference became an issue. Like when they each got a drivers license!
So the other day daugther 1 calls from Iraq and I do three-way to get her sister on the phone. We all chat and somehow the conversation turns to what got what during those years from 15 to 16. Daugther 1 got a car at 16 and when her sister turned 15, 4 months later she asked for and got a cell phone because she was too young to have a car. They went back and forth and who got what for christmas -VS- birthday and on and on and on. I closed my eyes and smiled, it felt like we were all sitting at home as they had the same old arguement over and over again. It never changes and probably never will. Then the line in Iraq got hit and we all came back to reality.
So the other day daugther 1 calls from Iraq and I do three-way to get her sister on the phone. We all chat and somehow the conversation turns to what got what during those years from 15 to 16. Daugther 1 got a car at 16 and when her sister turned 15, 4 months later she asked for and got a cell phone because she was too young to have a car. They went back and forth and who got what for christmas -VS- birthday and on and on and on. I closed my eyes and smiled, it felt like we were all sitting at home as they had the same old arguement over and over again. It never changes and probably never will. Then the line in Iraq got hit and we all came back to reality.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Mommy's off to Iraq
My daugther did not want her daugthers that the deployment ceremony. She is an officer, the only one deploying with this group and she felt she had to be strong.
She told me at other ceremonies everyone would look shell shocked on deployment day, as if they just found out they were going to Iraq. Most would cry and some would really carry on as if the world was ending. She knew seeing the girls would make her cry and she did not want to cry.
Originally she did not want any of us there but later I found out it had only to do with the kids. We live in Texas and she was leaving from Virginia. She knew we had no overnight care for them so she figured we could not come. When I found all this out my husband and I decided I should go and he would stay with the kids.
I video taped the ceremony and as the commander she had to speak. She made it very brief because she knew the soldiers really didn't want to hear any of it.
Before I left home she called and said I had to promise not to cry, of course I promised. At the ceremony everyone seems to be doing okay until they played this song. The lady sitting behind my younger daugther, her sons, and me started bawling. Then we all started crying.
My daugther's company commander said to me, "she'll be alright", I said, "don't tell me that. I work with soldiers that come to BAMC, I see what this war is doing to them first hand". He did not say another word.
When I returned home I could hardly wait to show the kids the tape of their mommy. The older one had little interest but the baby watched, meshmerized. Every now and the she looked at us and said, "my mommy". It all went well until her mom got on the bus and waved goodbye. She looked at it and she did not cry, she wailed, "my mommmmmy, my mommmmy". It was heart wrenching and we all ended up crying. The video has not been played again.
She told me at other ceremonies everyone would look shell shocked on deployment day, as if they just found out they were going to Iraq. Most would cry and some would really carry on as if the world was ending. She knew seeing the girls would make her cry and she did not want to cry.
Originally she did not want any of us there but later I found out it had only to do with the kids. We live in Texas and she was leaving from Virginia. She knew we had no overnight care for them so she figured we could not come. When I found all this out my husband and I decided I should go and he would stay with the kids.
I video taped the ceremony and as the commander she had to speak. She made it very brief because she knew the soldiers really didn't want to hear any of it.
Before I left home she called and said I had to promise not to cry, of course I promised. At the ceremony everyone seems to be doing okay until they played this song. The lady sitting behind my younger daugther, her sons, and me started bawling. Then we all started crying.
My daugther's company commander said to me, "she'll be alright", I said, "don't tell me that. I work with soldiers that come to BAMC, I see what this war is doing to them first hand". He did not say another word.
When I returned home I could hardly wait to show the kids the tape of their mommy. The older one had little interest but the baby watched, meshmerized. Every now and the she looked at us and said, "my mommy". It all went well until her mom got on the bus and waved goodbye. She looked at it and she did not cry, she wailed, "my mommmmmy, my mommmmy". It was heart wrenching and we all ended up crying. The video has not been played again.
The two year old
My youngest granddaughter calls herself Baby Bear, she is two. The other day she came home talking about a boy named Jason. I innocently asked if that was her boyfriend, she turned her head and blushed (do 2 yr olds really blush?) before saying, "Jason my boyfriend". It was obvious she knew no one would be pleased about this but took great joy in telling everyone to see their reaction. We called her aunt and uncle on the phone. Her aunt was shocked and Baby Bear smiled from ear to ear. She loudly told her uncle and he sternly said, "who is Jason and if he ever comes near you...", she laughed.
She told her mother when she called from Iraq. Every call from Iraq has an echo, it's very annoying. Anyway her mother says, "WHAT!" and Baby Bear laughs and laughs and laughs. She keeps repeating her news in the hopes she gets the same reaction. My daugther gets on the phone with me and says in a very stern voice, "what does she mean she has a boyfriend and who is this Jason"? Now, you would have to know my daugther to understand her reaction and the term "drama queen" comes to mind. Actually it comes to mind with her older daugther too. The little one is coming right along also. :-)
After all that everytime someone called to speak to Baby Bear they asked about Jason. And one day about 2 weeks after it started she said something to her uncle that involved lots of hand gestures and a loud voice and it appears that was the end of Jason.
She told her mother when she called from Iraq. Every call from Iraq has an echo, it's very annoying. Anyway her mother says, "WHAT!" and Baby Bear laughs and laughs and laughs. She keeps repeating her news in the hopes she gets the same reaction. My daugther gets on the phone with me and says in a very stern voice, "what does she mean she has a boyfriend and who is this Jason"? Now, you would have to know my daugther to understand her reaction and the term "drama queen" comes to mind. Actually it comes to mind with her older daugther too. The little one is coming right along also. :-)
After all that everytime someone called to speak to Baby Bear they asked about Jason. And one day about 2 weeks after it started she said something to her uncle that involved lots of hand gestures and a loud voice and it appears that was the end of Jason.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Dream about soldiers at the door
Ever since the rockets fell at Camp Cedar II, I have this dream over. Two young soldiers ring my door bell.
Our door is partially glass so I can see who is there. It's always these two soldiers in class A's, but there uniforms are different, as if they were not both in the Army. In every dream I refuse to answer the door, I sit on the cold marble floor and cry, scream but I don't open the door. I'm not know for hysterics so the falling to the floor part seems a bit dramatic. The screaming part is a bit out of character. Some might say. "but you've never lost a child, so how do you know how you will act"? So that's where you are wrong, I have have lost a child. I lost my only son.
Now I wonder if my daugther has written one of those "just in case" letters. I hope she has and hopes she has not!
I'm sleepy now so back to my dream of soldier boys bearing bad news.
Our door is partially glass so I can see who is there. It's always these two soldiers in class A's, but there uniforms are different, as if they were not both in the Army. In every dream I refuse to answer the door, I sit on the cold marble floor and cry, scream but I don't open the door. I'm not know for hysterics so the falling to the floor part seems a bit dramatic. The screaming part is a bit out of character. Some might say. "but you've never lost a child, so how do you know how you will act"? So that's where you are wrong, I have have lost a child. I lost my only son.
Now I wonder if my daugther has written one of those "just in case" letters. I hope she has and hopes she has not!
I'm sleepy now so back to my dream of soldier boys bearing bad news.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
March 3, 2007 Rockets Fall on Camp Cedar II in Iraq
It's Saturday afternoon and I'm riding in the car, coming back from Ikea. My grandchildren are in the back, I'm reading them a book. My neighbor is driving because she has a Prius making the trip a lot cheaper. :-) My cell phone rings, it's my daugther, a 1LT in the Army. She sounds tired as usual. I'll call her Little Paws.
She has to stay up late or get up during the night to call while the girls are awake. She talks to them and then to me. She tells me the Camp was under fire today. I ask what she means; bullets, mortar, what? She says it was rockets. I asked if anyone was hurt and she says, "yes, one person". I asked if they were injured or dead, she can't tell me. Was the person military or civilian? She can't tell me! I ask how many buildings were damaged, she can't tell me. I ask why she can't tell me since it will be on CNN in a minute. She says, "no, it won't", I don't understand, she explains that only things in high profile areas like Baghdad get reported? "Yes, I'll have to write you a letter", she says.
I don't understand because I was under the impression from others that had been to Iraq that Camp Cedar was "safe" as far as locations in Iraq go. I say that to my daugther. She tells me it's because Baghdad is so something or the other; my head is spinning because everything I thought I knew is now wrong, I don't get what she said. She says the insurgents had to go South to unprotected bases to create destruction because it was harder for them in Baghdad now. I ask if Cedar II is unprotected and she says, "yes".
I asked her if there had been any advanced warning, she said, "no". I wanted to know if they were able to get to the bunkers, she said they were. I guess that's why more people were not hurt.
It was only about 1 or 1.5 weeks ago when she called and said mortars had fallen right outside the gate. I wondered then; what was going? All I could do was hope that was the last of it. Yeah, right!
She has to stay up late or get up during the night to call while the girls are awake. She talks to them and then to me. She tells me the Camp was under fire today. I ask what she means; bullets, mortar, what? She says it was rockets. I asked if anyone was hurt and she says, "yes, one person". I asked if they were injured or dead, she can't tell me. Was the person military or civilian? She can't tell me! I ask how many buildings were damaged, she can't tell me. I ask why she can't tell me since it will be on CNN in a minute. She says, "no, it won't", I don't understand, she explains that only things in high profile areas like Baghdad get reported? "Yes, I'll have to write you a letter", she says.
I don't understand because I was under the impression from others that had been to Iraq that Camp Cedar was "safe" as far as locations in Iraq go. I say that to my daugther. She tells me it's because Baghdad is so something or the other; my head is spinning because everything I thought I knew is now wrong, I don't get what she said. She says the insurgents had to go South to unprotected bases to create destruction because it was harder for them in Baghdad now. I ask if Cedar II is unprotected and she says, "yes".
I asked her if there had been any advanced warning, she said, "no". I wanted to know if they were able to get to the bunkers, she said they were. I guess that's why more people were not hurt.
It was only about 1 or 1.5 weeks ago when she called and said mortars had fallen right outside the gate. I wondered then; what was going? All I could do was hope that was the last of it. Yeah, right!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
